Sunday, August 6, 2017

video
This brought tears to my eyes. Would you believe it, some 2, 583 people don't like this story. What do you call them?

Friday, August 4, 2017

A Helping Hand

     I was in Japan during this April and I had a pleasant experience. We, my wife and I, came back from Nara to Tokyo (where we were based) at around 11:00 p.m. It was raining heavily and though it was just a walking distance to the hotel that we were put up, we decided to take a taxi. We had to cross the road to flag one, but none would stop; there were only a few of them passing. I then saw a young boy with an umbrella standing and I asked him if there was a taxi stand nearby. He told me that there wasn't and went out in the rain to try and flag one down. He couldn't and so he came back and showed us a traffic signal nearby and said that we might be able to catch one that stops for a red light. He came along with us to the signal and in spite of our refusal, insisted on giving us his umbrella and left. The Japanese are very helpful.
     There was also another incident of such a kind when, at one of the places that we went of visit we couldn't locate a restroom. There was an old lady in a shop to whom we asked if there was one nearby. She immediately left the shop (she was running it all by herself), took us to the nearest restroom which was some 100 meters or more and then left. I doubt if anybody anywhere else would have done such a thing.
     Most of the places that we visited were temples and here are some pictures that I took.


























Here is a picture of a Just Married couple.


The English Language

I take it you already know of tough and bough and cough and dough.
Others may stumble but not you, on hiccough, thorough, tough and through.
Well done! And now you wish perhaps to learn of less familiar traps?
Beware of heard, a dreadful word that looks like beard and sounds like bird.
And dead -- it's said like bed, not bead -- For goodness' sake, don't call it deed.
Watch out for meat and great and threat, (they rhyme with suite and straight and debt)
A moth is not a moth in mother, nor both in bother, broth in brother.
And here is not a match for there, nor dear and fear or bear and pear.
And then there's dose and rose and lose, just look them up -- goose and choose
and cork and work and card and ward and front and font, and word and sword,
and do and go, and wart and cart -- Come, come! I've hardly made a start!
A dreadful language? Man alive!

I mastered it when I was five!

A Riddle

Can you guess the answer to this riddle: 
     "I am a wondrous creature: to women a thing of joyful expectation, to close-lying companions serviceable. I harm no city-dweller excepting my slayer alone. My stem is erect and tall––I stand up in bed––and whiskery somewhere down below. Sometimes a countryman's quite comely daughter will venture, bumptious girl, to get a grip on me. She assaults my red self and seizes my head and clenches me in a cramped place. She will soon feel the effect of her encounter with me, this curl-locked woman who squeezes me. Her eye will be wet."
     It is not what you think might it is and it is something quite unexpected. This is a double-entendre.
     This is the 25th. riddle in the "Exter Book" of "Codex exoniensis" in the Exter Cathedral in England.  It may also interest you to know that the title of Shakespeare's "Much Ado About Nothing" is a pun on the Elizabethan use of "no-thing" which is a slang word.
     An example of a bawdy double-entendre is in the James Bond movie "Tomorrow Never Dies" where Moneypenny at a certain point of time points out that Bond is "a cunning linguist". It also comes across in the movie "The World is not Enough"  where James Bond tells Dr. Christmas Jones "I thought Christmas comes only once." The double-entendre is evident only if you see the situation when he tells her that.
     Bond movies have a lot of sexual innuendo in them.
     In music, you have this song with the title "If I Said You Had a Beautiful Body Would You Hold It Against Me"  by the Bellamy Brothers.

Some Notices on Church Bulletin Boards as They Actually Appeared

● The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. 
● The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.' 
● Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. 
● The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict. 
● Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. 
● Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. 
● For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. 
● Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. 
● The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.' 
● Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. 
● A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. 
● At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice. 
● Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. 
● Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. 
● The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. 
● Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 p.m. - prayer and medication to follow. 
● The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. 
● This evening at 7 p.m. there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. 
● Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 a.m. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done. 
● The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. 
● Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door. 
● The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. 
● Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. 
● Join us tonight for prayers, coffee and fresh beagles. 
● Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary. 
● This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends. 
● Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed accompanied by the pastor." 
● This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar. 
● The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her. 
● Ushers will eat latecomers. 
● The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in. 
● The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 p.m. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel. 
● Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience." 
● The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours." 
● Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. 
● The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession. 
● Wrinkled with burdens? Come to church for a faith lift!

Some Collective Nouns

The English language has some wonderful collective nouns for the various groups of living organisms:
• an Ambush of Tigers, Widows 
• an Army of Caterpillars, Frogs 
• an Aurora of Polar Bears 
• a Babble of Barbers 
• a Band of Robbers 
• a Bask of Crocodiles 
• a Battery of Barracudas 
• a Bed of Clams, Cockles, Mussels, Oysters 
• a Bloat of Hippopotami 
• a Board of Trustees 
• a Brood of Hens, Chickens 
• a Cast of Actors 
• a Charm of Hummingbirds 
• a Choir of Singers 
• a Clan of Hyenas 
• a Class of Students 
• a Clew of Worms 
• a Cloud of Bats, Grasshoppers 
• a Clutter of Spiders 
• a Cohort of Zebras 
• a Colony of Ants, Beavers, Rabbits, Rats, Seals, Termites, Wasps 
• a Company of Parrots 
• a Congregation of Magpies, Worshippers 
• a Congress of Baboons 
• a Crash of Rhinoceroses 
• a Crew of Sailors 
• a Culture of Bacteria 
• a Den of Snakes, Thieves 
• a Destruction of Wildcats 
• an Eloquence of Lawyers 
• an Exaltation of Doves, Larks 
• a Faculty of Academics 
• a Fall of Lambs 
• a Family of Otters, Sardines 
• a Flight of Butterflies, Dragons, Insects, Pigeons, Swallows 
• a Flock of Birds, Camels, Chickens, Lice, Sheep, Tourists, Turkeys 
• a Flush of Ducks 
• a Gaggle of Geese, Women 
• a Gang of Buffalos, Hoodlums, Workmen 
• a Herd of Cattle, Cows, Dinosaurs, Llamas, Moose, Seahorses, Swans, Yaks 
• a Host of Angels 
• a Huddle of Walruses 
• an Illusion of Magicians 
• an Intrusion of Cockroaches 
• a Knot of Toads 
• a Leap of Leopards 
• a Litter of Pups 
• a Mess of Iguanas 
• a Mischief of Mice 
• a Mob of Kangaroos, Wallabyies, Wombats 
• a Murder of Crows, Ravens, Rooks 
• a Nursery of Raccoons 
• an Orchestra of Musicians 
• a Pack of Hounds, Wolves 
• a Parliament of Owls 
• a Picket of Strikers 
• a Pity of Prisoners 
• a Plague of Locusts 
• a Pod of Pelicans 
• a Posse of Police, Sheriffs 
• a Prickle of Porcupines 
• a Pride of Lions, Ostriches 
• a Quiver of Cobras 
• a Rhumba of Rattlesnakes 
• a Rookery of Penguins 
• a Run of Poultry 
• a School of Fish, Porpoises, Whales 
• a Scourge of Mosquitoes 
• a Shiver of Sharks 
• a Shoal of Fish, Mackerels, Minnows 
• a Shrewdness of Apes 
• a Slate of Candidates 
• a Squabble of Seagulls 
• a Squad of Soldiers 
• a Stable of Horses 
• a Stuck of Jellyfish 
• a Stud of Mares 
• a Surfeit of Skunks 
• a Swarm of Bees, Eels, Flies 
• a Team of Athletes, Oxen 
• a Tribe of Natives 
• a Troop of Boy Scouts, Chimps, Monkeys 
• a Troupe of Acrobats, Minstrels, Performers, Shrimps 
• a Watch of Nightingales 

Some Sign Boards That Appeared

● In a Bangkok Temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN 
● Cocktail lounge in Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR 
● Doctor's office in Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES 
● Dry cleaners in Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS 
● In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE, OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER 
● On the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE 
● In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS 
● In a Cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS, FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES 
● Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE, OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED 
● On the menu of a Swiss Restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR 
● In a Tokyo Bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS 
● Hotel in Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE, IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID 
● Hotel in Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID 
● In the lobby of a Moscow Hotel across from a Russian Orthodox Monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY, WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY, EXCEPT THURSDAY 
● A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE, THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT, UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE 
● Hotel in Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE 
● Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS? 
● Airline ticket office in Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS 
● A Laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND THEN SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME 
● In an Abu Dhabi Souk shop window:
IF THE FRONT IS CLOSED PLEASE ENTER THROUGH MY BACKSIDE 
● On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP 
● In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT 
● In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS 
● In the window of a dry cleaner's:
SAME DAY DRY CLEANING - ALL GARMENTS READY IN 48 HOURS 
● In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD 
● In another office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY, PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN 
● Outside a furniture shop:
OUR MOTTO: WE PROMISE YOU THE LOWEST PRICES AND WORKMANSHIP 
● Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS 
● Sign in a German cafe:
MOTHERS, PLEASE WASH YOUR HANS BEFORE EATING 
● In a dental office:
BE TRUE TO YOUR TEETH OR THEY WILL BE FALSE TO YOU 
● Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR 
● Sign in a picture shop:
LET US PUT YOU IN THE PICTURE AND FRAME YOU 
● Notice in restaurant:
OUR CUTLERY IS NOT MEDICINE SO PLEASE DO NOT TAKE IT AFTER MEALS 
● Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS 
● Sign on a newly painted bench:
WET PAINT - WATCH IT OR WEAR IT 
● Sign in London pizza parlour:
OPEN 24 HOURS - EXCEPT 2 A.M. - 8 A.M. 
● On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK) 
● Sign in Egyptian hotel:
IF YOU REQUIRE ROOM SERVICE, PLEASE OPEN DOOR AND SHOUT, "ROOM SERVICE!"